Chapter 5: 900 NUMBER DATELINES -- A REAL FINANCIAL HANG UP

MONOGAMY SUCKS, A SWINGER’S TALE, Part 1
By George Pappas, COPYRIGHT, 2010

CHAPTER 5: 900 NUMBER DATELINES -- A REAL FINANCIAL HANG UP

December 14

This past month I nearly went bankrupt as a result of my temporary addiction to 900 number datelines.

Most people associate 900 numbers with phone sex, and for the most part that is what they are used for. Yet datelines for finding sex and romance are the fastest growing segment of the multi-million dollar 900 number industry. It has proved a real costly debacle for me. I squandered thousands of dollars trying to hook up with swingers through erotic phone sex dating lines. I couldn’t seem to help myself. I became obsessed with calling datelines every night and in the end it ended being nothing more than a money draining scam. Kind of like strip clubs -- nothing but an expensive fantasy.

When you call these sex datelines, typically a taped recording of a woman with a sexy voice will say: “You have reached Horny Encounters, the ultimate dateline to find others like yourself looking for erotic fun.” Then the female phonebot runs down the instructions on how to join. Basically this is how it works -- you can create your own voice message or verbal fuck ad or leave messages for others in their voice mailboxes. I imagined at first it would be an effective way to meet women for casual sex, but I didn’t realize datelines are a woman’s world. Women no doubt receive hundreds of messages from horny and lusty males like myself. I had little chance of breaking through the clutter as it proved a futile sex lottery. All the while, I incurred hundreds and later thousands of dollars in phone charges just to leave messages on these phone datelines. It was a broken connection indeed.

The Pleasure Line is another popular dateline that resembles a sexual match game. You dial in your sexual preferences and the system matches you with other callers who have the same sexual interests as you. I must have left a message for every woman on the Pleasure Line for weeks, but I never found a match apparently.

I also did the same on the dateline, Horny Encounters, but again nothing came of it. I grew more frustrated and impoverished with each 900 call I made. When I finally came to my senses weeks later, I was no closer to entering the mysterious world of swinging, but I was nearly $30,000 in credit card debt. Pathetic. Probably it was the desperation in my voice that scared the swingers away. Nothing is more of a turn off for a woman than a horny and desperate man even if the dateline was called Horny Encounters.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity (several weeks), I received a call back for one of my dateline ads from a woman in my neighborhood who called herself Nellie. She said she is 35, but sounded much older. Phone sex is her thing even though she has a gravely unattractive voice. She can talk the phone sex talk, though. In other words, she has no trouble talking nasty.

“My pussy is very hairy and wet,” she said, breathing (actually wheezing) heavily. “I want you to lick me. My fingers are in my pussy. You are inside my pussy. You are fucking me hard. Mmmmm…fuck me, fuck me. Your cock is so good and big. My pussy is filled all the way up…”

As her sexual arousal increased, her breathing became more labored. I thought she might pass out and hang up as she huffed and puffed her way to an orgasm. Now that she was done it was my turn. She became demanding and insisted that I come, too, but there was only one problem. I hate phone sex. I feel ridiculous when I try to do it. Phone sex is not hot enough for me, and it has always left me cold. I enjoy a good sexual conversation, but when it’s on the phone I feel too detached, and I miss the chemistry and connection you can experience when meeting and talking with someone in the flesh. I need the eye contact and physical presence of another person. I want real sex, and phone sex is a poor substitute.

“Come for me baby,” Nellie pleaded. “I want to hear you come. What does your cock look like? I want to fuck and suck it until you come. Play with your cock. Are you playing with your cock? Come for me, baby. Come for me.”

So I would pretend to come just to get her off the phone except for one recent morning when she called me right before I had to go to work. I woke up extremely horny and came all over my hand thinking about fucking her pussy that was probably old and rank, but I didn’t think of that at the time.

I went to work drained and wishing I hadn’t done it as I felt a bad case of “post-spew depression” coming on. I needed all that man spunk to get through another boring and stressful workday at the public relations firm I work at.

Tired of our phone sex sessions, I thought it was time to meet, but every time I suggested it she would ignore me or abruptly change the subject. Nellie finally relented and agreed to meet me at the Station one recent night, but she never showed up.

The next time Nellie called me I confronted her about standing me up. She said she had a family emergency and had to cancel. I told her I wasn’t into phone sex and that I wanted to meet in person, but Nellie was evasive again and said she was too busy and that it was easier to talk on the phone. I finally realized she was never going to meet me in person. So I decided I wasn’t going to answer any more of her calls. I figured she would get the clue and just stop calling me. Well, that didn’t work as she called me about 10 times in the next week typically at 3 or 4 a.m. Then she started calling my work number. I had forgotten that I had given it to her during our first phone call. It proved an embarrassing mistake. One night when she couldn’t reach me at home, she called my work phone and left several desperate messages at 4 a.m. in the morning. Undeterred, Nellie called my boss’ home phone that is listed on our company voice mail.

I found out about it a couple days later when my boss Mason Muir, a sexually frustrated married man in his late thirties, told me about Nellie calling him several times the previous Saturday morning. Fortunately, his wife and children were asleep at the time.

Mason talked with Nellie several times and I assumed they had phone sex (he wouldn’t tell me about that), but she wouldn’t stop calling. Nellie was relentless. She kept calling my boss at home and work. Once Mason said his wife answered the phone, but the person on the other end hung up. He thinks it was Nellie. Now I believe Nellie is a phone sex addict.

I felt foolish and angry at myself. My private life had suddenly merged with my professional life in a disturbing fashion. Mason had encouraged me to bring in new business referral calls, but I doubt that this is what he had in mind.

Luckily, Mason didn’t act bothered by the calls, and was even amused about Nellie, but I believe it did change the nature of our work relationship after that. He looked at me differently even though he admitted that he had engaged in phone sex in the office before. A woman randomly called Mason one time in the middle of the afternoon during work and started talking nasty to him. He must have loved it, because he talked about the incident often. I suspected he would call 900 numbers if he could get away with it without his wife finding out.

Unfortunately, Nellie wouldn’t stop calling my boss and almost got him in trouble with his wife.

“She is really weird and nasty,” Mason said to me one recent morning. “I believe that phone sex the only kind of sex she ever has.”

I knew it had gone too far. I called Nellie and confronted her about calling my boss and she hung up on me. Apparently, it worked. It was the last time either one of us heard from her.

I was relieved and swore off 900 numbers and phone sex. It has been nothing for me, but a real disappointing financial hang up.